Cry hard...With a Vengeance.

I find the car, the most dramatic and ridiculous place to cry. But, I seem to always weep while driving. In the past few weeks I have been crying more recently, for good reason. Granted I do cry a lot. My mom always said I have really big heart. Happy, sad, dramatic, epic and magical things make water rush out of my face.

The setting in my truck is perfect, a dark enclosed space, small so you feel alone, mirrors to watch yourself weep and a cab is filled loud dramatic music.  This is not good for multiple reasons.

*Pathetic

*Dangerous. For me and those driving around me.
*Horribly embarrassing. Scoates...there are windows in a truck, you always for get that.




But...after all is said and done and "Hallelujah" sung by K.D. Lang has finished. I feel, well, still sad. But less ruled by the sad emotion.

I have been mad lately. Mad that I can't control this, mad that this happened to MY family. The anger has been coming out in strange ways, at the wrong people. It's hard to control. I am just very mad. 

I went to my Dad's chemo yesterday. I don't ever want to leave his side.I hate to see him like that. Sitting in the infusion wing is a challenge. You see so many BEAUTIFUL people....who are dying. They are trying to save there own lives. Some look like they are in so much pain. I feel for all of them. My Dad is such a wonderful man.  I don't want him to die.

Hold............crying a bit.........................................................


I just don't want him to die. It makes me so mad that I even have to worry about it. God damn it.

F you cancer. Don't you dare take my dad.

I love you so much Dad. I wish I was holding your hand right now.